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The very first time I met you, I wondered if I would ever fall in love with you. Those times we shared, were the best moments yet equally painful.

-Zen

If only.

If only I was brave.

Awkwardier: Part 2

It is Part 2 since after I bathed yesterday...I couldn't resist the urge to sleep. Hahaha.
Anyway, it's 12am in Singapore, and I suppressed my urge to sleep for now, so, let me continue what I wanted to sleep.

Awkwardier.
Not even an actual English word, but I find it really frustrating that my mind always can make a situation super awkward, nothing to do, nothing to see about.
Make certain actions that are not awkward make it so awkward in the mind.

Controlling my heart and my mind is way more tiring when it comes to these matters of the heart sigh.

i don't know about you, but sometimes I wonder if you ever read this
don't follow what the crowd thinks of my likings and assume it as your own
but think with your own heart, own mind
then maybe we will have that mutual feeling
then maybe it was to be.

But if it wasn't, then I have no regrets still.

stillhoping.

theawkwardier

I'm ranting, sorry.

Awkwardier

My blog titles will never have direct meanings. Never.
Let it be here while I take a bath, then I will really blog.

Incoherent.

It's one of those posts where things have to get a bit messy for me to be satisfied and to get the point across.

Before that, I doubt anyone close to me knows this blog. However, to those who have, I know exactly how you did it, and I really, REALLY, appreciate it (: you prove yourself worthy of intruding into my personal life (lol)

But anyway...

Sometimes it really hurts when you know you have to bottle up everything you feel, and even though everything we knew about not getting involved in such matters of the heart at such a age, the feelings it evokes is just...bad. It wrenches the heart, but sometimes it can be the best thing ever to touch your soul.
God's love is always first, but that undescribable, yet uneasy feeling that you (or anyone for that matter), can be a special someone to me (or anyone for that matter too lol) and could be a major part of his/her life.

Just like the last post, I really hoped that one day, the message being conveyed need not be said, but felt from the heart.

Zen.

A complicated situation.

As I can't help but post this in the middle of a train station (I live in Singapore for those who are random readers haha) and MRT. I can't help but post this.

People get wronged. But what if you we're the one who created the wrong impression of your current situation now?

Truth is, it's even worse that being directly wronged.

What if, based on your fears and past extremes, you essentially changed yourself such that you became another person at the extreme end, and when people start getting used to you, you want to change back to the old you. The I where I could express myself fully, and not withhold stuff that will hurt people.

For me, either it's hurting myself, or hurting everyone else.

I'd rather hurt one person than to hurt everyone around me.

I'm babbling my own incoherent thoughts, but if you know me, and you could somehow relate it to an issue that is popular around me, trust me, that thought is real.

If not. Then, I guess it is all right. (:

Time will tell whether I made the correct decision.

I hope I'm correct.

It's a short post because

I just wanted to say one thing.

Your smile is enough to illuminate the whole place.
For that, I'm already blessed.

(For those people who think they are down, someone out there loves you for who you really are.)
Because we love. I love.

Zen.

Back to where it first began.

This might be a long post, but if up till now you could find my blog, then I guess you're already well-suited to read what I really think. (: my blog can be found to those who seek (: but anyway..

There was this time where I got into Jurong Secondary School. I didn't want to.
It came like this, (probably repeated many million times, but I really have to say this.)
Still remember. Roughly.

18 November 2008, around 8am, Sec 1 posting results release.

(Phone rings. It's Tay Yu Xuan.)

TYX: Hello Zenneth!
Z: Hi, I super tired sia.
(small talk, then)
Z: Yeah, I went into Jurong Secondary School too. you leh?
T: EH I JURONG SEC TOO EH!!!
(silence, then I hung up, and went back to sleep.)

Oh man YuXuan. Primary school was already enough, and you HAD to come with me. XD
You're my best brother still. (:

I make no secret that I wanted to transfer out. Badly. I wasn't paying attention to anything until there was this teacher who stopped my father out at the General Office and explained to me:

Ms Wong: Your child is eligible for the STAR Scholarship,and he can go for the interview, please complete this form in the Conference Room.

And the rest is history.

4 years really passed fast like nobody's business. There were up and downs, and if weren't for some things and stuff, I guess I'd really have went out of this school. But this school gave me the best memories I ever had, and I don't regret it.

Explorers Club will always and forever be known for the times in the Explorers Lab, the crazy stuff we do (not forgetting that one sleepover that was WELL WORTH IT, and of course all the fun times we had in competitions, kaobei each other, Chairman eh? VP eh? Not to mention the wonderful seniors too XD
Legendary batch 2012 ftw!

Jeff: While Ding Feng can turn an insult into a joke, Sean can turn a joke to an insult.

And it kept on running and running...

Council. Yes Student Council. I still remember the first time where we played Whacko at the Red Service Road opposite with Abdullah and LooXin, and that was like, 3 years ago? Now that's all said and done, look where we are now, from those SLCs and those Induction Camps, to NACLI and to YLC, to that very special time where we had to fight for what we wanted, we all went though, passed through, and made it through the very end. I'd never regret the day I joined Council. #29thSPARKPLUG

Puzzleroidz (ftw!), you have been super special to me really. All the way from one LCD to the other, you'd really have grown from strength to strength, from bound to bound. All the way from Yingxian to me to YOU GUYS AND GIRLS, it's been an honour training you all for 30th SC. (For the record, I'm never making a move if you know what I mean lol. (: )

4-4 ah. From the 3-4 that scares teachers because we're like a ghost and stuff, to the 4-4 who went through everything, from every single funny moment to the times we really put in the effort, I really thank you guys for giving me those memories. Really. (: And Xiaohan yes I know Zhang Jike is handsome, yes he is.(:

Not to mention the teachers, Miss Lim and Mr Chia (: they really went the extra mile for everything, and everything they did, it all had a reason to help us, to push us, to make us strive for greater heights. I won't have regrets for my results, I'm sure of it because of all the teachers' encouragement to us. Mr Chia for Explorers too, sadly you'd be "graduating" with us out of JSS, but I'll remember you. (:

As Graduation Lunch ended, I really didn't know how much I really had of this school.

It turned out to be the best blessing in disguise coming here.
And for that, I do not regret.

Haha.

Just a reminder.

If you know this guy, you must really know me. (:
Well maybe.

Just a message.
If you know me and happen to stumble on this blog, good for you. (:
I think it's the Twitter. :p
Just keep mum about it.
If you don't know me, well, this is my life.

Sorry for not updating.
The O Level chomping machine is nearby.

Thanks.
Zen.

Refraction at the speed of light...of light.

67 days. 2 days to Chinese O's results. DPA results too.

Minghao. Cambodia. Happier times. Trains.
It's not a case of the broken thoughts, but a case of blurred lines.
No longer can you say such that you can just simply blame a single variable for a whole problem.
My mind's been swirling and twirling around in a huge mess of lines, distorting the reality, inserting snide untruths.
Just trying to control my stupid mind.

Doing homework without a certain motivation is like having all the petrol in the world but no vehicle.
Just burn.

Zen.

Love is just a chemical until we give it a meaning.

68 days. Time tick time tick time tick.

Jiayue and Zixuan with ChinYuen in the background, preparation for NJRC 2011.
A year ago. When we still were kids.
Well metaphorically.

Time waits for no man, but will it wait for just a miracle to happen?
The secret is almost broken, and I'm almost to the point of insanity.
But somehow, I'll make it through this.
Somehow.
Now i have to start reading my Physics SPA again.

Zen.

Back to the wall, and the wall was back.

69 more days.

He tried, he stuttered, he was let down.
Never was he going to try another time, or was he?
Well, maybe one day, one day, God would let him have His vision and His power.
But as I always know, God always has His plans for us. (:

People wonder why people get shy around the people they know.
Well, maybe because it's just them,
it's just that something happened,
or maybe, even more.
Realization of what happens.

True desire comes accidentally from within the emotion heart, not within the mind where the calculative take over.

Two years on.

It sounds like crap, but it really doesn't matter anymore.
To write a (technically) second post on this blog that was created doesn't make much sense, but to me its more than just a revival.
For just 71 days to the O Levels and I'm writing this blog post.
My life is kind of a drab affair, a lovelorn affair.
Hahas, but just the thought alone is just to kill.
I've never had much to write, since everything is just going so fast.
I mean, if you had much to do, you'd won't even much be blogging in the first place, but rather living in the now, instagramming and twittering and stuff like that.
But that's just me.

For even as much as I can say, I'm still an ordinary teenager on this world.

 Take that.
Yeah, in case you're wondering, I'm Zenneth, and I'm 16 years old.
I have my own problems, my own likings, crushesinfatuations, scandals, rumours, whatever.

Never too late to start all over again.\

I'm a quiet person, but once I get something to rant about, trust me I will.
Zen. If only I could reveal my true desire.