Personal.

As you all know, those who stumble upon this blog know that whatever I write here, are not meant to be revealed, not meant to be said, not meant to be discussed.

For whatever the intent of my past being with me, I think whatever I had just done, was just to overthink so much that I end up self-hurting myself, mentally.

No I won't go to the boundaries of physical punishment, but I feel that whatever hurt that is mental is enough hurt for one person to handle, let alone the hurt caused to me by me.

Yes, I overthink.

Which led me to think that being in this condition isn't helpful at all. Sometimes I wonder if it is too much to handle, whether I would just give up entirely.

Well, in one way, yes. In the other, no. My other (public) blog stated that I would be more positive. But this is the reason why.

If you know what I'm talking about, sometimes Songs of Songs 2:7:  

"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires."

, although the verse is stated in the context of the daughters of Jerusalem (women in general), I somehow feel that the same context applies to me as well. If you do not let love (or what is perceived to be love, which is most likely the case), it is better not to awaken that "love" at such  a early state of life. I have God, I have my family, I have my friends, that is all to me.

And to you, yes you, you I have been writing, you who have been the centre subject in almost of all of my blog posts, I'm truly sorry in advance for treating you like that. Don't be afraid that you may have been the cause of my hurt, but in reality it is just me, for it is a war with myself, not you. Because I have not given up yet, I have merely postponed that chase for the sense that it is too early for me yet. From a book I recently read, 

"It is never too late or too soon. It is when it is supposed to be".

That quote rang true and forever more, because I am comforted by the fact that even if you and I eventually do not work out (even if it hasn't begun), you'd have a huge impact on my life, and (maybe) a impact on your life as well, and if God allows things to happen, it will happen. Nothing will cloud me from this fact even as I embark through this journey. You may not be the one that I will always think about, but trust me, I'm still thinking about you, whether you know it or not. Just....wait for me will ya? (:

-Zen